Learning to Give

Dang it, I wanted to post this memory earlier than the Christmas posts, but alas. At least I'm capturing it.

A few weeks before Christmas I needed to run to Walmart....something I try not to do between Thanksgiving and about the middle of January because that's Christmas shopping season and people tend to be more crazy than usual. However, whatever it was I needed couldn't wait.

It was just Rachel and I and on our way into the store we saw a Santa standing out front. Rachel was thrilled to see him and he handed her a small candy cane (candy cone as she calls them) which she ate as we went through the store. The Santa was there collecting toys for the Toys for Tots drive. Something that we as a family like to support since it's sponsored by the Marine Corps. I decided it was time to start teaching Rachel how to be thoughtful of the needs of others.

I'll throw out the disclaimer that I am not posting this in any way to brag. Usually when I do acts of kindness I prefer to do them anonymously. However, this was a very touching moment for me and since this is a blog where I want to capture memories I have of Rachel, it's being posted.

I tried to explain to my very distracted 4 yr old why Santa was out front and that we were going to pick out a couple of toys to give to Santa. We aren't going to take them home, we're going to give them to Santa.

"Why?"

"Because some kids don't have any toys. And this Santa is going to make sure those kids get nice toys."

I don't think she comprehended, and that's okay. She was thrilled we were going to the toy aisle because we don't always do that when we go to the store.

Up and down we went and stopped in the Barbie aisle. They had two Barbies for $5 each and I decided that would make a good statement. Rachel loves her Barbies. I figured purchasing something she actually liked and giving it away would make more of a statement.

We finished our shopping and paid for everything. I got her out of the cart and handed her the toys. I told her it's time to walk outside and hand the toys to Santa.

There was no whining about why the toys were coming home. There were no questions about what we were doing. She seemed genuinely excited to GIVE Santa the toys. My heart melted and I got tears in her eyes. I stood in the doorway of the store and let her walk up to Santa and give him the toys. I captured what I felt was one of the proudest moments I've had as a parent up to now:

Reeling quite a bit emotionally and trying to keep it together I was frozen where I stood. The lady standing there helping Santa motioned for me to come out and get a photo with Santa. Sad the moment was ending, I moved.

Rachel hopped back to the car with me and I shed a few tears of thankfulness. As I put her in the car and closed the door I happened to notice a penny on the ground. I typically look on the ground as I get out of the car or pretty much am anywhere because I find so many pennies that way. My mom taught me that. Right around Rachel's 4th birthday she happened to find a penny all on her own. So finding a penny on the ground right after that moment? Kind of powerful for me.
 

Christmas Day 2015

Christmas was a little difficult for me this year. I've struggled with the concept of Santa and whether we should....the Elf on the Shelf movement.....and how to handle adding more toys to a mix that is already overflowing.

I think the solutions we came up with all of those concerns turned out pretty well.

Santa - while I have worked VERY hard to keep from lying to Rachel in any capacity....even insofar as to tell her the truth knowing it would result in a complete meltdown at a toddler....I've tried to stick with the truth. And it's been tough. So this Santa business has left me feeling uneasy. However....I'm allowing her to be a normal child and experience the excitement of Christmas in the same way that Jason and I did growing up. Looking back I'm thankful my parents let me enjoy that. Now I hope next year she asks if Santa's real and I can tell her the truth. But we'll see. Regardless....I have to remind myself that we're not lying to her for our enjoyment and I have every intention of telling her the truth, so it's okay for now.

Elf on the Shelf....I won't dive into this. What I thought would be innocent fun is apparently being harshly criticized in some circles and some of their arguments are valid. Regardless......instead of this being used as a tool to enforce good behavior, I intend to allow it to be fun and view the Elf as a guardian "elf" sent by Santa to encourage more fun during the season. Rachel is well behaved enough that we don't need a 3rd party to encourage better behavior. Some households do. So I carried through to the end of the year Albert the elf and will be weighing this year whether or not we'll do it again in 2015.

The toys. Ok. Let's be realistic. We've downsized and I feel that as soon as I get rid of a nice pile of toys they are instantly backfilled with birthday or every day gifts. Since there are no other grandkids on Jason's side of the family right now I know that everyone LOVES to buy her stuff. I do too! And I don't want to deny them that blessing.

But we're getting ready to move into an even smaller space and we do NOT have room for anything else. Rachel rotates through nearly every single toy she has on an almost weekly basis. There is nothing left for me to get rid of. And more importantly, I want to set a realistic expectation. Could we have placed dozens of gifts under the tree for her? Absolutely. Did I want to? Vehemently, yes. But one of the things that is starting to get under my skin about Christmas is the sheer commercialization of everything. So I want to set a very realistic expectation now. Christmas is a special time of year and presents are super fun. However, she doesn't need to be showered with a ton of gifts. Instead, Jason and I bought her one big gift that we knew she'd enjoy and encouraged others to help us with it. It's a leap pad tablet that functions somewhat similarly and look like an iPad. (in fact, that's what she calls it. Meh, semantics). So she didn't feel cheated, I wrapped this present about 6 times. Ah the joy of being in shipping and having a ton of different sized boxes laying around!

She instantly curled up with Jason and he taught her how to play with it. (We'd already set it up so she had a profile and was connected to the Wi-Fi).

The games are expensive so we asked family to purchase more games for her than more toys. Did she get a bunch of toys from people? Yes. Thankfully small and not noisy ones!

The "iPad" has been a good gift. I've brought it with us so he can play with it while we work on the house. The games are fun, educational, and entertaining. She's starting to learn how to take photos with it and search for things on the internet (which is VERY limited and I appreciate!)

All in all, I think we had a good Christmas!
 

The Nutcracker

There were a lot of holiday events here in the Evansville area, most of which I had to miss while I was up in Indianapolis. However, there was a production of the Nutcracker being performed and Geri REALLY wanted to go to this and take Rachel.

I was apprehensive. I mean, that's a LONG production for a 4 year old to sit through. (That's a LONG production for ME to sit through).

However, I know I've had a very hard time getting out and doing anything since we've moved here. No one else wanted to go so I agreed to go and we'd take Rachel. Why not? I never get to dress her up because she's either going to school (where she comes home covered in dust/dirt, paint and/or foot) or we spend our weekends laying around the house or working at the new house. Regardless, I have to keep her in clothes I don't care what happens to them because she's a kid that plays hard. And I love that! But that means very rarely do we get to dress up and go out. (Does she wear her Belle dress around the house nearly ever weekend? YES. But I don't let her leave the house looking like that!)

The day came and we went. We all 3 headed to the theater and waited in the lobby for the doors to open so we could take our seats. Knowing we'd be sitting in there for a LONG time I opted to wait in the hallway and let Rachel run around. There was a little girl she recognized from her school so we let them run around in circle and be kids. The lobby was really dark and Rachel was really excited, so the photos didn't come out as well as I would have hoped....

The theatre was FULL of kids who talked a little too loudly, kicked the seat in front of them, bounced from one parents' lap to the other, etc. I was relieved. Rachel behaved SOOO well. Although every 5 minutes....and I mean EVERY 5 minutes...
"When does Cinderella come out on stage?"
"What are those mouse things?"
"Are they bad guys?"
"Are there monsters in this?"
"Where are the ballerinas?"
"I'm hungry."
"I'm sleepy."

So she's your typical 4 year old :) However, she was quiet and whispered these questions in my ear. At least she's very polite!

She enjoyed the show and afterwards we went out for dinner where she ate the first decent meal I'd seen her eat in over a week!

(My attempt at a selfie of all of us:)

 

Goodbye Night NIght

As I look back on photos of Rachel when she was little....I notice that most of them have her pacifier in them. And honestly, they've made me cringe. I know I've worried about every little thing with Rachel since she's our first and only. Did we start her on solid foods too soon or late? Should we have pushed her into potty training a little harder so since she so readily was ready for underwear when we finally made the leap? Should we encourage the lie about Santa? Do I tell her I love her enough? And certainly, those are NORMAL questions for a parent. Should we probably have worked harder to get rid of the pacifier? Perhaps. When we moved here last year there was NO way I was going to switch her schools, swap out diapers for big girl pants, settle her into a new house and new routine AND take away her pacifier. I even spoke with her teacher about it and we both agreed she needs something familiar and comforting at that young age. Even though that stupid pacifier has been a point of contention for both Jason and I, we just let that one slide.

Many nights I would try to encourage her to leave it on the dresser so I wasn't completely taken away. Offered to let her take it to the toy store and purchase a toy with it. Donate it to Baby Cara (My friend Crystal's daughter). But each morning it wouldn't be on the dresser any longer. So sadly, I just let it go and hoped that one day she'd just say, "Mommy. I don't need this thing. I want to throw it in the trash." Miracles can happen, right?

We did limit it to just when she was going to sleep. In the mornings I would put it high on a shelf where she could see it, but couldn't get to it. If she wanted to take a nap on the weekends, I'd get it for her (although she hasn't taken a nap on the weekends in MONTHS). And she has gone this whole year falling asleep at school without one.

I also noticed that one of her pacifiers had started to get a hole in it and she would ask for the second pacifier we had. But even the second one was starting to get holes. So I would tell her that if both of them had holes and didn't work that well, I was NOT buying anymore.

Then this past December something glorious happened. While Jason and I were away in Indy Rachel stayed with her Grandparents here in Newburgh. They'd run into an issue where they could NOT find her precious night-night to go to sleep. So the entire time I was gone Rachel would sleep at night without it.

I wish I could have purchased my in-laws a new car. I was SOOO excited. As soon as she told me that I instantly ran upstairs and HID the pacifiers.

The weekend while I was gone Geri and David had taken Rachel downtown Newburgh to see Santa again. Apparently this Santa gave out free beanie babies and Rachel had chosen a dragon that she loved.

That first night back at the house Rachel informed me that I had forgotten her night-night. I informed her that I think she's done a good job of sleeping without it at Grandma's house. And since Santa had given her this new little dragon that perhaps she could sleep with the dragon instead of her pacifier.

I tried SOOO hard not to make a big deal about it even though I wanted to throw a parade. And just as I had hoped, but keeping the pacifier a ho-hum no big deal, 2 or 3 nights later all talk of the pacifier disappeared.

So.....should we have just taken the pacifier away from her? NO. I'm not sorry we waited as long as we did. It didn't hurt anything. It allowed us to sleep at night and we've desperately needed that comfort as a family for the past few years.

I honestly don't know how else we would have been able to do this without horrible fits and hurt feelings. It's one thing if the lack of a pacifier is sincerely unavailable instead of someone hiding it and lying to her about it. Or blatantly telling her she can't have it and she knows that grown up knows where it is. In this situation no one lied to her or misled her about where it was. No one took it and told her she couldn't have it. It was sincerely and innocently lost. In my opinion, this was an answer to prayer. And it gave her so many lessons:

- How to survive without a pacifier - she survived!
- Adults lose things sometimes and we all just have to deal

Now....did she discover the pacifier later at her Grandparents' house while we were there? You betcha! She'd apparently thrown it and it had rolled under a table and due to the light color no one could see it! However, I told her she'd grown up enough she didn't need it again. (And it had been on the floor, so it was dirty and we needed to just throw it away).

Regardless, I owe my in-laws a big one on this one. Not only did they get us over that hurdle to get rid of the pacifier, they did a phenomenal job of dealing with Rachel and handled this situation VERY well!